so how about it huh? *insert journal entry*

I've never understood the idea of a journal. Is it a feeling that someone might actually care what goes on in our heads or just a way to release all of the mumbling of our brains thru a non-destuctive manor?

Anyways, I'm just killing time figured this might put down fifteen minutes. Its going to be a hot one today. Temp was already at 111 degrees at 0900. By the time mail call comes around I'll be sweating out of every orifice my body has.

The one shining light in the foreseeable is the thought of going home for a little while on leave. Going from unbearbly(sp?) hot and windy to the not so hot and windy in comparison of Texas will be a wonderful thing. Have to go with the cliche that will paraphrase cause I can't remember the real one, You don't know how important things are until they are no longer around. My friends, my family, my car, etc etc. Hell, I'll ever be seeing two of my favorite bands in concert. I'll be driving damn near to another end of country but Black Sabbath and Iron Maiden are worth subjects of a "Fear and Loathing" style roadtrip. I was told, When you go home you need to get your head straight. Oh my head will be straight as only those who love cannabanoids and are deprived of their medication no longer can be.

A few words about Iraq:

Shitty Place: Do whatever you can to stay away from this place. Go to Canada once the draft starts agian because it will loom its ugly head once more.

The People: I have yet to met a haji that hasn't been nice to me. Of course, thats probably because I carry a M4 around all the time and they "know" that all Texans are all coldblooded killers. There are a few that are actually naturally friendly. Of course, I still have the indocrinted distrust of all brown skinned people but I try not to actually judge them until I get to know them.

Heat: The rumors are true. Its hot as a motherfucker.

Selah

that all those doomsday predictions will not happen? like nuclear winter will not hit, and that global warming is actually just some neo liberal made up hokum? there wont be another world war, and that nuclear holocaust will never happen?aliens wont invade and the mole men will remain silent. what if the world supply of food never runs out and we never have to eat soylent green and that apes will never take over and that some horrible hanta virus type illness wont turn almost everyone into zombies or that tom and katies love is true and that the antichrist will not arise and that the japanese sun godess wont eat the world and that there is no god and so no end times and that bush is actually a really good president that avoided any conflict that might lead to millions of lives being lost in battle and that disease have pretty much been over played and that natural disasters will only take out a few thousand at most and no more and that tv watching and net sitting doesn't cause brain and nut cancer, and that nostradamus was a guy that sat too long in the sun and edgar caycee was just another run of the mill daughter fucker and that the womans movement will never lead gangs of women to attack and kill all men they see, and that we are alone and the truth is not out there, and that kennedy was shot by lee harvey and the moon landing was one of the greatest accomplishements of all human kind and that the moon wont explode raining millions of green ailens that eat umbrellas to come and attack and that babies will never become blood thirst creatures and that dinosaurs will never roam the world again, the rain forest will always be around and that we will never run out of water and never be forced to drink urine and watch VH1 specials about how britney spears and usher only drink the most expensive of urines, that of virgin cambodian priestess that live in the mountains and that kobe, oj, r kelly, young buck, michael, cassidy and puffy are all innocent and oprah will marry desmond and osama and atta and al-zarqawi are dead and pakistan is a bastion of truth and justice and that the whole sudan thing will blow over and that kurt russell will never be a bandit living on the island of california and that no massive earthquake will rock the united states and that the polar ice caps wont melt and that mount st helen wont blow again and that atlantis wont rise again because it never existed and that the big foot myths all across the world are debunked by agent dana scully and that there is no vampire or werewolfs and witches actually are borehouse wifes in the midwest and sandra bullock that fat fat fat ugly congenital heart defect BITCH and that kurt cobain did commit suicide and that he and cortney were a perfectly in love couple and that hitler is dead and that is his scull in the kremlin and that dogs wont attack their masters and killer bees will stay put and not attack and there wont be another LA riot or jam master j and the ark of the covenant is not a magical box of super powers but a holy relic in some hut in africa and that SUVs are not a form of support for terrorists and jesus does not drive a toyota and he does not body slam baseball owners and that his birth wasn't all that miracilous and he was a fat guy with a gland problem and judas is not in the seventh layer of hell and the world doesn't have four corners and unbabtized babies don't go to purgotory and there is no monster under your bed and that nsync will get back together and chinese democracy a la the original gnr lineup will come and it will be absolutely amazing and aliens don't gang probe people and nothing happened in tiannemen square and the 2000 election wasn;t stolen and phil collins will get back together with genisis and jennifer lopez is going to stay with that guy she is with forever and michael jackson is a perfectly normal man that has never done anything inapporpriate with children and his face is normally like that and police never frame people and the mod is gone and there will never be another summer of 69 and your dad is your real dad and not some summer break fling and that you can get pregnant from touching someones genitals and that jfk was completely faithful to his wife and the nation of islam never killed malcolm, he was killed in an accident and marthin luther king wasn't hunted by the cia and he just died of an accidental discharge and that mean mugging niggar on the corner is actually a really bbbaaddd guy and chinese are cheap and japanese people are super good at math and mexicans are really good cleaners and blacks are good at cotton pickin and indians are good at gas station and conveinent store operations and polish folks do smell russian women are hairy australian are all hot and everyone from LA is fake and plastic and canadians are slow and americans are commercial and that the US senate is out there for you and that haliburton never got those contracts because of dick and that jetsgo sincerely meant those apologies and honestly didn't know that it was going to go down that way and bre-x is blown out of proportion and that guy is dead when he fell out of that helicopter and lenin will never rise from the dead and nor will the soviet union and the koreas will unite and the south will rise again and usher in a new era of mint julip drinking southern comforts and tap water is as good as bottled water and the meat is safe to eat and you can run the tap while you brush your teeth and marilyn monroe died of suicide and that the russian royal family all died and there is no mysterious princess out there waiting for a talking bat to awaken her royal bloodline and the whole jesus blood line story is crap and the pyramid were built by man and chocolate bars and french fries do cause acne and you are a filthy pig and smoking is good for you and your dog did run away and not buried in the backyard and drugs are for losers and they never did do anything for anyone and tupac and biggie were killed by each others crew and c-murder did kill that guy and mike tyson is sane and you do need that shirt and snoop dogg did rape that girl and eminem is just filth and stevie wonder isn't blind and jazz does suck and with teeth was a work of genius and being gay is a choice and it is evil and there is a jewish conspiracy and it is a hard knock life and you pass away and that dream where that cat is nursing you to health is just a dream and nothing more and that the papacy have never commited evil and those priests never touched those boys and kissinger isn't a war crime monster and the UN is useless and we had to go to that war and that canadian beef is messed up and all those urban legends are true and freddy is going to come back and kill all yall suckers and the gas prices are not being changed by greedy evil corporations but due to actual conflicts, inflation and increase in buisness costs and paying a grand to fly to vancouver is fuckin reasonable and god doesn't watch you when you masturbate and there is a santa, tooth fairy, easter bunny, leprachuan and guy fox and the truth isn't important and it doesn't hurt and you do look fat in that dress and your ass is too big and that guy at the resturant isn't gay and no one has ever spit in anyones food and big buisness is out to eat the small guy alive and walmart is a great place to shop with great employee treatment rules and low low prices everyday and unions are bad and communism does work and magic doesn't and never has existed and there was a king arthur and a merlin and a guinevere and lancelot and a quest for the holy grail and calista flockheart and harrison ford make an amazing couple and that was the last star wars and it was the best and you did deserve a B on that report and the teacher was out to get you and floride in the water is used as mind control and nobody loves techno and marilyn manson did remove his ribs to suck himself off and guys never lie and girls never exagerate and reincarnation doesn't exist and nor do ghosts and tituba did sign her name in the devils book and winona rider is innocent...

ever wonder?

Yeap, im having an absolute schoolgirl crisis right now. I havent been so worried about something so utterly stupid in years. Fuck me.

Today i went to get a hair cut. And i hate they way my hair looks right now. Suddenly the guy that was cutting my hair decided to get creative... and removed almost ten inches of hair from my forhead in one single cut.

I look like Moe from the Three Stooges. No kid.

My bro suggested me to post a picture here to exile my 15 year old demons. I'll do so as soon as i can so you can get a giggle or two off it.

Bah.

*goes out and sets some cuter girls hair on fire*

im an asshole, im a douche bag, im tiresome, all things i know and have known for awhile yet these things seem to be the topic of discussion nowadays. i dont remember a time when these things wernt true, well about five years ago maybe i was quite the guy. before i spent my life in an internet message board. i miss that guy, the guy who didknt care about internet poeple, he used to post in nin.com and had a good time in there. unity was at one time a real fun place to go,, but then the personal attacks and everything, i hope that stupid moderator title is gone if its going to be fuel for the fire.
i acted out of haste and maybe i shouldnt have closed those topics, but the first time it seemed as the right thing to do and i thought it was funny, the second time, i dont know why i closed it maybe i should have just made the topic a no reply topic which is wht i really wanted, i wasnt much on replies anyway, but it seems this topic was important and needed the response of the asses.
i dont get a lot of joy out of anything anymore, cept for nin, seems like thats the only thing good right now in my life. my life is boring, im a boring person whats new.
im planning on quiting my job in a couple days, ive had enough.
i told my dad that im moving out of this house in november, im going to get me a n apartment somewhere not here. as long as im in this house im stuck in this house, i need the freedom of being out on my own, maybe i wil move to chicago or something, and maybe who knows whatever.
im just tired of everything, maybe thats why im tiresome.

its just...why? so yeh you did and now i',m suppose to write in respnse? crickey i want to end this circle...and fuck its like you have to because i spent the whole fuckin summer with her...man i will tell you there was a moment that i wish to never remember and i will never be able to look at her again because well the whole unclean aspect comes into play...god damn what happened there? the stuff of law and order SVU i tells ya.

so anyways i'm fucked and its pretty simply placed like that. no which was out of this its either this or a gang shoot out in compton sunday september 13 2003 rest in peace

i bet i could kick his ass....

yeh who the fuck am i kidding? he'd P0/\/E me.

you know whats nice? i don't

anyways i felt this one was lacking.

wow why am i even trying? i got nothing...except scabs.
not scabies damnit!

brilo pads work according to former maury povich guest. i will try it out

gawd my head hurts...damn you!! not really you is just a dawlin. (lets see how many w can show up in me words)

you know what i would have loved to see...jay-z at the square. ah yeh that would have been nice

i read jim giraffe...i'm done it...and i don't know what to make of it...its like most of written so that it seems like a hazy dream. i don't know what to make of it...i don't know if i want to read it again..send it to hell!!

whoa i need to throw that bowl in the sink. grover is okay if anyone cares. aint too much i do know...oh shy!

anyways i am gonna cut-

well, my grandpa quit smoking over 17 years ago cause he was told by a doctor that he needed to so he quit cold turkey, he was going through 3 cartons a week at the time. anyway, he quit cold turkey cause he cared about his family and wanted to be around for them. well in january he found out that he had three tumors in his lungs and his esophogus(sp) but he was told they wernt cancerous, so we all thought things were fine, but they wanted him to come back last week for more test. well anyway he was told he that the cancer was uncurable and they had known that back in january but didnt say anything. apparently the cancer he has has a 34% i year survival rate and it was found back in january so it looks as though he may only have a few months left. he starts chemo on wednesday, i was under the assumption that chemo was some kind of hopeful cure for cancer but i found out that i was wrong and its not, that it may add 7 weeks to a persons life, im going to do more research on that but thats as much as i know now.
anyway my grandpa is probably the fitest person i know, a few years ago he was working in his garage when this machine he was working on fell on his foot, it had a screw on the bottom of it that went straight through his foot, anyway he picked it up off his foot and went in the house and wrapped it up, eventually going to bed with a hole in his foot, eventually he got blood poisoning and had to lose his foot because of this, but that didnt slow him down. he's 71 years old and could easily pass for 50, but know it seems as though his old habit which he quit for his family has come back to haunt him. this is the guy who was like my second father and i dont know how i will survive his death which maybe wont happen as its possible for cancer to go into submission or something but theres only a one percent chance of that happening. i havent let it get to me to much yet but i know if something happens i wont be the same.
ive yet to really have to deal with death in my life, besides my greatgrandma who died a few months ago, but this is different im closer with my grandpa than anyone else, so i dont know how i will be able to deal with death.
i know im talking to soon as things might get better as he is the strongest person i know and could be that one percent so im trying to think that way and im going to tryh and ocntinue thinking that way, but this is the waht if inside me.
anyways, the thing that kills me is that i work at a place where i sell cigs to IDIOTS and its really driving me nuts, these people who come in and say "im going to die anyway" or these dumbass 18 year olds who smoke even knowing what we know now, they think its ok cause they are young and dont care about the future but when they do get older and have so much to live for but yet they have to die becuase they wanted to smoke then its not going to be only them who suffers. i dont know how much longer i can stand it, im really considering quiting my job cause i cant stand these IDIOTS anymore. i smoked i know, i was an IDIOT but i quit when i didnt have to and hopefully i didnt ruin my life so much that in 20 years im also dying from cancer. ive been eating healthier for the past couple months now and exercising more so hopefully i wont end up that way. i just cant stand it anymore, smokers think its ok, that they have the right to smoke, then i have the FUCKING pregnant woman coming in and buying cigs, who gives them the right? they shouldnt have the right to concieve, that child in their womb should not belong to them, when that child is born with defects or heart disease or asthma, the mother should be shot,. people care only about themselves anymore and it makes me sick. "i have the right to smoke, its my right" fuck you.
i really hate this world and wish it would end.

Well, there' s my stop. It's been a kinky pleasure, to be sure. I left the keys on the counter, don't wait up.

its really kinda shitty to begin with...like they haven't played that song for an awful long time...but old fingers remember. chris wont sing it...and damn he shouldn't. replace it all with just instrumental. i morned like a fucker when they broke up. fuckin shroud and isolation...couldn't listen to them for so long. hell their last bit sounded so like the last threads to snap till a break out. then it took a few years and i slid back...was able to look at their ashes and say "yeh this is actually good...i really like the part with the african singers."

yeh but alas and alack i am without their work and i am lesser for it. or i am just a really sad fan that needs to stop.

so kates asked me what kind of music would i make if i was talented. i actual knew too. i'd be a mix of the subtle homoerotic underpinnings of a morrissey with the fanatical depression of a cure song. throw in some southern smoke and you got yourself music not worth killing baby chickens too.

and paco would work for those american dollars.

italy is allowing anyone with direct italian heritage hold office and vote in their elections. that is just a big mess. sticky icky international mess

had a horrible night depression can truely be a bitch on the rag to me. i wish there was a magical drug for me to take on nights like that or days also.